Merry Christmas 2001 from the Wagner family

To all our friends who send us pictures of their kids at Christmas, thank you. Your kids are beautiful - they look just like you (only younger and better dressed) - you must be very proud of them - yatta, yatta, yatta. Now, next year send us pictures of you. I don’t know your kids, and I wouldn’t recognize them if I passed them on the street. In fact, I wouldn’t recognize you either, because I haven’t seen a picture of you in five years. I want to see what you look like and make sure that you are getting old, fat, and bald like me. I’m showing you mine, but you’re not reciprocating. So, next year, I want you to squat down in front of that camera – you can keep the kids in there, if they fit – and give me a big, fat, bald, wrinkly smile. Or else, I’m going to send next year’s Christmas card with a picture of someone else’s kids just to see if you’re even paying attention.