|
I thought I would take a minute (in between naps) to interduce myself. You don’t know me yet, but you do know my Mom and Dad. And since I am the most important thing to happen to them in their entire lives, I thought I should tell you a bit about… well, me. My name is Hunter Joseph Wagner. Dad says he hopes I’m the only person to ever have that name, and that "Mike" or "Steve" just won’t do at all. He says that "Hunter" comes from his favorite shade of green and not from anybody with a gun and that he turned that color when they did the circum... circum… well, I can’t say that word, but you know what it is. Mom says that "Joseph" comes from the Churchman side of the family and that every male person in that family has to have "Joseph" somewhere in their name. So, there it is - "Hunter Joseph." And "Claire Michelle," who is who I would be if I was a girl (which Dad says I most definitely am not), is just going to have to wait for the next time around the ferris wheel. So let me tell you a little about "laber" (that’s what Mom calls it, and I don’t much care to talk about it, but she says it’s important). It all started on Friday. Well, Dad says it all started a long time ago when he had a twinkle stuck in his eye and Mom had to help him get it out. And Mom said it really all started on Thursday when the Doctor said that the weekend was coming up and she likes to have the weekend off and that it wouldn’t be such a good idea to wait until Monday, which is when I was supposed to come, and so we better indoose on Friday. But I don’t remember all that and so we’ll start on Friday, which is when I did come, and which I’m told is as good a day to be born as any day there is, especially Monday. Mom and Dad and Grammy Benz went to the hospital in the morning, and when they got there the nurse said Mom was a "three" and gave her an ivy and put it on her arm. Dad said he wasn’t nervous and he was watching all the machines and listening to them make noise. The nurse kept coming in and putting more bags of water on the ivy until Mom said that was enough. Then finally the doctor came in at noon and broke the bags of water (which is good because I think the ivy was going to get squished). Then Mom said the Count Dragons were coming and they were very close and very big and she seemed scared. Dad said she should relax and say "Hee Hee Hoo" three times to send them away. Mom said "Hee Hee Hoo" many, many times but she said the Count Dragons weren’t going away at all, and they were bigger and closer, and she said "Ow ow ow" a lot, and then she said some other things that I didn’t understand. Then the nurse said Mom was a "six" and that in three more hours she could maybe be a "ten." Dad said that was very good but Mom said that she would be dead before that and so she said the magic words… "Happy Derl" (or something like that). The nurse said those were the right words and got a new Doctor to come in (he’s an S-thesogolist, I think) and he put a caterpillar on Mom’s back and the nurse said that now Mom could be a "nine." Then the first Doctor came back and said Mom could be a "ten" and that she shouldn’t breathe anymore. So Mom held her breath and everyone (Dad and Grandma and the Doctor and all the nurses too) started yelling "Pushpushpushpush." Then Mom would breathe and they would say "pushpushpushpush" again. So, I pushpushpushed as hard as I could and then I was born. First I saw Mom, who was crying (she says they’re Happy Teers), so I cried too. Then I saw Grammy Benz, who was saying "Oooooo and Ooohhhh and Aaaawww" a lot and she was crying too. Then I saw Dad, who had a lot of hair, but he was upside-down and that was just his beard. (Dad says that he gave all his hair to me and I have a lot of hair.) And then we figured out who else’s parts I got - Mom says I got her nose and she got it from Grammy Benz. And Mom says I have Dad’s eyes and he got those from Grandpa Churchman. And I took Grandpa Wagner’s chin cause I have a dimple there too. And Mom says I got her toes and Dad says I got his and I think it doesn’t matter cause they’re my toes now. And now we’re home, which is very nice, and I have my own room (even if Dad says it is a little girly and Mom says she may have to change the flowery stuff). Dad says I don’t look like a crayon anymore (cause I had a t-shirt on and a white cap on and a conehead, but not anymore). And now I just mostly eat (cause Dad says the TT fairy came so Mom has milk) and sleep (but I don’t think grown-ups sleep, cause they’re always awake when I wake up) and sometimes have my dipers changed (and Dad says its okay cause its not black tar anymore). Oh and sometime I burp, and Mom says I definitely got that from Dad.
Hunter Joseph Wagner
|
